The Love Lab

The first entry in my "Next!" feature showcases the squeamish man, a trait that goes strictly against masculinity and leaves me rolling my eyes at said man. A smattering of couples and I (yes, I was the lone single) gathered to welcome another couple home from an assignment abroad last night. The food was delish, the drinks flowing and the company good.

I knew most of the couples well and the others were acquaintances to me. I wandered outside and sat down near the grill where several of the guys swapped marinade stories together. There's something about the smokey aroma of grilling meat wafting around a group of men in tank tops and flip flops that just makes me a little crazy. Maybe it's the concentration of man musk, I don't know.

Anyway, I walked up on a conversation of a girl describing her recent Lasix eye surgery in moderate detail. Interesting, but not anything to cringe about, right? Her husband, who is thin and milk toasty to begin with, made exaggerated squeamish faces every time she mentioned a cut or a peel of the eye. He said a lot of, "Ooooohs" and, "Yuck! No thanks!" while shuddering and scrunching his eyes up.

I wanted to punch him in the face. Now I know why she doesn't have a boyfriend, you're saying to yourself? Just for the record, I have never actually clocked a man in the face yet. But if I had, I know I could have taken this guy down in seconds. I mean, seriously, it's so unappealing to me when a man has a weak stomach for blood 'n guts or even routine eye surgery. Is he going to pass out in the delivery room as your vajayjay's exploding, let alone during a c-section?

Please. I can't have it. But his wife most obviously could. She kept patting his knee and smiling knowingly at his little fits during her story. This was one of the acquaintance couples and I don't know what kind of man he is otherwise. Perhaps he's a dream husband. But I would never know because the squeamishness leaves me saying, "NEXT!"


Does a squeamish man affect your attraction to him? Am I being too picky or can you relate to how I feel?

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My current relationship playbook is, "Why Mr. Right Can't Find You", by J. M. Kearns, conveniently located in my sidebar. I am kind of a contradiction when it comes to self help books about love. I think most of them are bullshit, yet I visit the section nearly every weekend at the bookstore.

A lot of the titles catch my eye and then I read the back cover or the table of contents which often leave me saying, "Yeah, right" or "blah, blah, blah" and I put it back on the shelf, feeling like the "L" on my forehead is flashing neon red. But! Sometimes I find a good book that feels like friends talking to me, better yet friends who really know their stuff.

This one says anytime is the right time to find Mr. Right. It's going to give me tools to eliminate Mr. Wrongs and second guessing because my ideal mate is looking for me, I just have to get off my couch and help him find me. Deal. I do spend some considerable time on my couch, which I guess isn't the best place to meet people. But it's oh so comfy and fun to watch my shows! Stop it. Pinch me. Time's a wastin'.

I bought this book because it doesn't talk about how to be the perfect you, but rather how to find the man who's perfect for you. That and because I like the cover. I'm the dark haired girl on the left...well, maybe 50 pounds from now. But I do have long dark hair and favor red lipstick. And martinis.

So look for posts about me practicing what this book suggests. The first sentence reads, "What do women mean when they talk about their Mr. Right?"


What traits do you consider for Mr. Right? Has Mr. Right turned out to be not so great?

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Hi, I'm Justine. You're reading this because of three recent events: 1) I found a high school assignment of mine while cleaning out my closet. Maybe you've also written one of those letters to your future self? Well, mine told me I'd be married, I'm single, and have several kids, I have two cats; all by the age of 30, I'm 40. That's right 4-0. Single with two cats. I'm a "cat lady". Holy shit. When did that happen? Uh oh.

Let me just divert for a second, yes I know single women over 40 with multiple cats are in fact, "cat ladies", but my house does not EVER smell like cat pee. I know this. I have objective sniffers with strict instructions to alert me of stink. So far, all is fresh and I don't talk to my cats like their children or take holiday photos with them. So that just makes me a lady with cats, not a cat lady. Agreed?

Anyway, back on track. 2) I got a great new boss who braved the ominous threat of inappropriate workplace behavior and asked me why I'm still single. Not in a creepy way, but in a curious, incredulous way, which was pretty flattering. He told me a career is the worst spouse you could ever have. I think he's right, especially when I'm lying in my bed alone thinking about work. Grrr. And he's happily married with four children, for the record.

And 3) I heard a statistic on TV that went a little something like this: At age 25, a woman has about a 1-in-1,250 chance of having a baby with Down syndrome.

At age 30, a 1-in-1,000 chance.
At 35, a 1-in-400 chance.
At 40, a 1-in-100 chance.
At 45, a 1-in-30 chance.

Okay, time to accept I'm squarely in the middle of high-risk pregnancies, but perhaps not also high-risk relationships. I still think there's someone out there for me, I just haven't been paying attention. I date, but I'm picky...too picky. I'm in law enforcement administration and there's always a work project to conveniently interfere with my schedule. I work late. I'm busy. My career's important to me.

So 20 years go by. I have nearly as many bridesmaid dresses as Katherine Heigl, a great career, a nice condo and a good graduate degree. But it's still just me and the cats when I come home. I don't know if I can switch gears now and make finding love a higher priority than my career, but I'm going to try.

Is there anyone else like me out there? (Echo...)

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